I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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