I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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