I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Randomize
