no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Randomize
