my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
You took a bar mat shot.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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