8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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