She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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