Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
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