go do what you do best...puke behind churches
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Randomize
