You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
this is an emotional support booty call
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
