Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Randomize
