This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
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