After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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