Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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