It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Randomize
