yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I got inside last night via doggy door
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Randomize
