He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Use "feeling words"
Yay
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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