The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
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Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
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I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
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