im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Randomize
