and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
