Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
50% drunk capacity currently
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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