i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
