sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
