i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
