I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
