so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
either way he was missing a nipple.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
