im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Who died my cat blue again?
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize