I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Randomize
