Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
Someone shattered a urinal.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Randomize
