I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
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