I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Randomize
