So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
