Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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