sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
