a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
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