3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Randomize
