Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Randomize
