Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
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