Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Randomize
