he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Randomize
