Please, let me fuck your mom
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
