just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
soo... how was my night?
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
