His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Randomize
