No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I have tasted many bathrooms
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
