Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
