I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
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