Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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