It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Randomize
