I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Randomize
