Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
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