I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
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