The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
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