Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
