I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Randomize
