dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
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