My sheets look like a crime scene.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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