very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Randomize
