True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
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