Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
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