You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
