upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
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