paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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