apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
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