Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
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