I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Randomize
