your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
you told grandpa to call you daddy
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
