It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Do you have feelings for this penis?
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