hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
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