I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Watching her eat just hurts me
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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