I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize
