be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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