I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
