There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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